God Guide You On

When my grandmother died in 2004, I remember the thrill my 6-year-old self felt to finally get to explore the upstairs of her house. I had never been allowed anywhere but the kitchen, where my grandma spent most of her time. The day of her funeral was an opportunity for me to uncover some of the mystery surrounding her life. To a six-year-old, the upstairs felt like the place that held the answers to my burning questions. Unfortunately, it was just the upstairs of an old house: dusty and uninteresting. Ever since this experience, I have utilized my time with my large family to work to understand my grandma better. Why was she the way that she was, and how did that affect those around her? I have learned so much about her over the years: the way that her broken childhood impacted her adulthood, and in turn, her eight children. The way that all of her children are still trying to figure out which of them are the results of affairs, and which belong to my grandpa. The way my Aunt Bonnie would sing to my Uncle Mark and my dad to drown out the constant, violent, alcohol-induced fighting of my grandparents in the kitchen downstairs. Even the way she chose religions, hopping around from Mysticism to Mormonism to Catholicism in hopes of discovering perfect love. What is it like to be raised by a parent that treats each child, son, daughter-in-law, and grandchild completely differently? Which mysteries remain to be understood? God Guide You On is a short documentary film that dives into the childhood trauma of my grandma Genevieve and studies how trauma can be passed down through generations.